Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend suggest that we should try being friends for a while. Or at least not to be intimate with each other. Why? Because he needs to figure out if he can be with me based on who I am and how I think. The main issues are that I hug people too much, that I go skinny dipping at the beach (in the morning when no one is there) and that he doesn’t feel special. I treat everyone with this endless affection and he won’t believe me that he is the most special one. I am obsessed with cuddling. He has never seen anyone hug people for so long. It’s unnatural. All of this makes me feel sad.
Earlier tonight, I lied to my boyfriend for the first time. He asked me if I had done any drugs. I said that I had smoked weed maybe ten different times while in the U.S. (True). I said that I had tried coke once, seventeen years ago while I was living in Las Vegas and had been opposing my friends there who used it for months. (True). Then he said, But I thought you took some pills as well, I said no. (False). He kept looking at me, I said no, he said why are you looking so funny, I said because I lied. Yes, I did try Molly once. Seven years ago at a party. (True). I don't know why I lied, I guess it was because the conversation was making me feel uncomfortable. Because I hate drugs. Anyone who actually does drugs recreationally would know that my 38-year-old level of experience with drugs is nothing . But it's not nothing. I did theses things, so I can't say I did nothing, although I did do next to nothing. And now he feels, or this already confirms his feeling, that he ...
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